M&S

Just a little non-dating note. Why, oh why, do the big supermarkets (and the biggest and loveliest being the one owned by Mr Marks and Mr Spencer) feel the need to bombard Tube-goers and Standard-readers with ads for their couple specials every weekend?

You know the ones. Get a fabulous meal, with some salady thing to make you feel healthy, a nice cake and a bottle of wine for £10. Good eh? All you need to complete the picture of smug domestic recessionista bliss is a suitably gorgeous man (someone along the lines of the D&G swimwear models. Any of them would do. Just in their pants, natch) to share it with.

Whoa! Wait right there M&S! You're missing a trick here. What do you want us to do, buy a couple special and then eat the whole lot? We will you know, JUST TO SPITE YOU.

Alternatively, you could save us all a world of pain by coming up with a meal-for-one option instead. Which, quite frankly, could just be the nice cake and the wine. That would us very happy indeed.