States of Flux

Utterly infuriating. But she has this trait that defines her, much as she wishes it wouldn't - indecision. That, coupled with the inability at times to know what she really wants. Symptomatic of life in general? Perhaps. Much like anyone else? Perhaps. Annoying as hell all the same.

Thing is, she was going on (and on) about how much she wanted to go on dates. That to go for dinner, to a film, for a drink, and have fun was all she wanted at the moment.

What she didn't realise is that you can't have your cake and eat it. That dates, have to lead somewhere - or nowhere.

Overthinking, if you hadn't guessed, is another one of her flaws. Because this thing with the indie boy is so new, it doesn't even have a name. She should just be enjoying it, right?

They met up briefly on Tuesday, by the way fact fans!

She got stung by a wasp she leaned on outside a Chelsea pub (seriously, how does that happen? The wasp must have landed in the split second she was putting her arm and cold beer down on the table. It BLOODY HURT). It has to be said he dealt with things admirably.

After saying: "You leant on a wasp???" he pulled concerned faces, they drank the beer, he advised anti-histamines (wise move), and he rather deliciously slowly ran his thumb over her swollen red arm and asked if it hurt. It didn't, obviously.

She sneakily had double-booked, squeezing in a drink with the boy after work before meeting her lovely uni friend she hadn't seen for far, far too long. Oh, and she was late (part bloody tubes, part wanting to look nice and spending too long getting ready). But it was worth it to get to know him a bit better.

He has this fabulous thing whereby his whole face crinkles up when he smiles, by the way. And lovely darkest green eyes. He is beyond thoughtful, printing out a map so she knew how to get to the restaurant to see her friend. And then ending up walking with her anyway.

And after learning her friend was running late for their dinner date, she leant in, this time for some good old-fashioned snogging. Hurray! Again! Hand-holding is also a marvellous invention, even tho not necessarily the most romantic thing on a hot summer's day.

But here's the thing. What happens now? They're talking all the time, and now they're friends on Facebook they're practically married, right? That's a joke, don't worry...

Maybe she should just forget all the what nows, for now. And stop trying to pick holes in a non-existent relationship. Here's a confession though - she is scared of getting too deep into something that she can't get out of. She can't stand feeling trapped. It's happened far too many times before. Neither does she want him, or her, to end up getting hurt.

There's nothing wrong with just having fun, right?

He's recently come out of a really long-term relationship anyway, so God only knows what's going on in his head. He could be on the rebound, he could be one of those fabled serial monogamists. So, is this the time to be asking questions about what they both want? Or quit talking and get on with the kissing?